I Remember…

I remember a light in the distance, shining through a thick mist. Like the golden glow from home’s window beckoning through a foggy winter night, this light promised comfort, warmth, and safety. I wondered where I was.

A radiant figure took my hand and helped me rise. This being had no distinguishing characteristics, no facial features, no discernible edges; just gentle, warm, soft light. There was a familiarity between us that I couldn’t quite identify. Wordlessly I followed this being, clutching the compassionate warmth.

We walked toward the glow in the mist. There was so much light! I instinctively squinted, then realized I didn’t need to. The light did not hurt my eyes. As we got closer, I could see there were countless other beings there, all glowing softly. They welcomed me like they knew and valued me. They moved around me until I was engulfed in their radiance. I was crying with joy and a sense of returning. Like recalling the essence of a distant loving memory.

My inner self swelled and overtook the illusion of my body. My soul knew it was home! I suddenly had the answers to all of the questions I no longer needed to ask, because it didn’t matter any more. These beings really knew me and loved me with total and unbreakable acceptance. I found what was missing in my life! I was home and I was never going to leave again. Rosy gold mist swirled around us as I melted into their light.

Suddenly, I was aware of my human form again. It was as if they had pushed me back through an invisible barrier. I was confused. I looked at them, all of us still standing there in the mist.

“You have to go back now,” they said.

“But I don’t want to! I’m home! I want to stay here!”

“It’s not time yet.”

“Why did you bring me here if I can’t stay?!”

“We wanted you to remember.”

All went dark.

I woke up some time later, and laying there in the darkness, in pain from the seizure I had just suffered, I realized I had been to ‘the other side.’ I was overwhelmed by the immense beauty, serenity, and love I had felt there in the mist. But I was also overwhelmed by the unfairness of it all.

Why did I have to come back? Living was torture for me. Guilt, shame, and unworthiness ruled my life. My children were my joy, but my feelings of inadequacy as their mother often overshadowed that. If these beings wanted me to stay here, then they should have given me some better tools to work with!

That night was more that 25 years ago. I saw these beings several more times and I trudged through life, doing the best that I could. But for a while, at night in the solitude of my bedroom, I prayed for them to come take me, and this time, keep me. I needed to be in the safety of that light.

Gradually, I found bits of that ‘heavenly experience’ manifesting in my life. My heart thawed as I saw how much of that light was in my children. I started to make better decisions, which led to more confidence in myself. Maybe I wasn’t so bad after all. My children deserved to feel that security and acceptance I had felt. When I embraced them, I imagined that rosy, golden light flowing through us. As time went by, I found I could see it in everything that lived. I started to reconnect to earthly life.

As years passed, I realized more and more that those beings of light had given me better tools to work with. First, they awakened and assured me as one would a child in a bad dream. They opened me with a sense of awareness, renewed courage, and perseverance. I know I have that light inside of me. Not because they gave it to me that night, but because I have always had it. That’s what they wanted me to remember.

Posted in Near Death Experiences | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

What Good Are The ‘Old Pagan Ways’?


Why practice the ‘old Pagan ways’ when science has revealed how things really work?

Recently, I have seen some Facebook posts about an article in April, 2013’s National Geographic magazine about Europe’s ‘Wild Man’ traditions. These traditions include elaborate costumes and corresponding ritual actions to celebrate and teach about the cycles of life and death in a visceral way.

I read the article and viewed the photos. They were fascinating and they tugged on a very deep part of me; the part that knows there is, still, a mystery to life. It is the part that is a child of wonder and believes in magic. That part still lives in me, as it does in each of us, way down deep in the ancestral root part of us, and it longs for a connection to the environment that science can’t provide.

The term ‘pagan’ today, is used to describe individuals who hold a view of the world in an animistic way; that there is Divine Essence in every living thing and we are all connected by that fact. There is as much divine nature to a flower, a tree, a fish, a bear, a deer, a bird, a mountain, a river, as there is to a human. This divine energy is experienced as having both male and female aspects that permeate all of creation.

As most of you know, I am Pagan. I am an elder high priestess of Wicca. I follow the ‘old ways’ and I teach how they can help us grow spiritually by understanding our connection to the past, present, and future of our life on this planet, and therefore, the Divine. I understand the wisdom of keeping the ‘old ways’ alive.

We are not visitors to this planet. Our home is here. All of our molecules come from Earth. We are an integral part of our environment, like it or not. Our ancestors knew this and they acknowledged this fact by using costuming and ritual theater to teach the wisdom of these subtle interactions to future generations. There was no question that animal behavior communicated weather changes and the location, abundance, or scarcity of food supplies.  The seasons were and are the ebb and flow of life cycles and every event had consequences, not just something to be observed. There was an understanding between animals, humans, plants, and the planet itself that ‘I eat you, now you eat me.’ Everything gets a turn.

By establishing identities for forces of nature and the spirits of living things, our ancestors were able to develop a language of actions, words and ideas that communicated the energy of their intent to and with their environment. These rituals were not, and are not, just pretending, they are stating a fact, they are living illustrations of how connected we really are.

Because science and some other philosophies have given us the illusion of being separate from our environment, that we are more evolved, more intelligent, etc, than other life forms, we think these ‘old ways’ are silly and useless; just tourist attractions.

We need these ‘old ways’ to keep the awareness of these deep connections to life on this planet strong. Blurring the line between man and beast reminds us we are just one of many life forms and are part of a whole, not above and separate from. If we completely lose sight of that fact, we will be truly lost, for the balance of earthly life needs us to be fully engaged, or it will go on without us.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

The Domeia Matrix as Symbol

The visual representation of the activated Domeia Matrix not only gives us a blueprint of the energy pattern that facilitates access to Source energy, it also gives us a symbol that holds a deeper wisdom. It tells a story.

The center point represents our intent; our desire to connect to something bigger than us, our reaching out. But it also represents the Source of All Things, the potential for manifestation of all existence, the goal of our desire. It represents the availability of this force, for we can place this center anywhere. We are enmeshed in an infinity of potential centers, more numerous than the stars in the universe.

The straight lines radiating outward from the center point represent the intent for manifestation from the Source. It represents the delegation, the focus of original energy to manifest in the physical world. The points at the ends of the lines of energetic intent represent the physical manifestations of that original energy, for the sake of this discussion, human beings. The connections these lines represent are permanent, unbreakable, unalterable bonds from Creator to Created. This is a universal fact, much as one’s bloodline connection to one’s biological parents. It can be denied, but never broken.

The lines connecting these outer points symbolize our connections to each other. We are all part of the larger manifestation of divine energy. We are all part of a bigger pattern of life. These connections and lines of intent can strengthen or fade, depending on our awareness and desire. When our intent is cooperative and focused, we can open the portal to the heart of the Source and reset the original pattern, restoring the harmony of life.

As the energy surges outward from the center, down the lines of intent, humans are recharged and become open portals of divine force themselves, expanding the restoration throughout the physical world. The curved lines between the outer points show that the connections between humans now arc with the flow, spinning of their own accord, activating each other in ever widening circles of energy, like ripples in a pond enabling us to make more and stronger connections with each other.

The process is simple but profound. It requires two things of us; a desire to reawaken an awareness of our original bond with Source and an acceptance that all that exists has this bond, too. In our troubled world, we fight against our fear that we have irretrievably lost our connection to the Divine. But it is a hollow fear. We have only forgotten what it looks like. The Domeia Matrix reminds us.

Posted in The Domeia | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

The Three Transformations

Our human experiences create layers of energy patterns that cover our true natures like a skin, obscuring them beyond recognition. These layers bind us down to a repetitive pattern of reactions to the world around us. We feel alone, fighting in the dark, craving a connection to something we can’t remember. Is it love, acceptance, respect, or is it power?  Like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz (L. Frank Baum), we have always had the power to go home, to return to a state of belonging and acceptance, where our innermost needs are met. This search by the soul for fulfillment is a journey of transformations, both inwardly and outwardly.


The transformation of desire upon the heart.

A path is chosen.

The soul sheds the old skin of oblivion.

            The first transformation is subtle, but is the most powerful one. It is the motivation for the journey. The established perceptions and assumptions are no longer satisfying. The idea that there is something more out there urges us to set aside our entrenched routine and look around us. Suddenly, we have questions that need to be answered and answers that need to be questioned. We are ready to step out of the oblivion. Our most burning question is the signpost that points the way to the path of our fulfillment. This will test our resolve. How strong is our desire?


The transformation of will upon the body.

Daring to plant the seed of knowledge,

Then finding the strength to nurture its growth to the harvest of wisdom.

The soul sheds the skin of old behavior. 

            The path can be intimidating. We don’t know what we’ll find along the way. We use the strength of our will to move forward, trusting that we have made the right decision. Each step opens our view to things we have never seen or heard before. We gather these seeds of new knowledge and store them in our open mind as we navigate our path. But collecting them is not growth. Those seeds must be planted in the fertileness of experience. They must be proven to be viable. We will ourselves to test the new concepts against our lives and our understanding expands. We make sacrifices of time and energy and dare to change our response to life. Is the harvest of wisdom worth the effort?


The transformation of truth upon the mind.

Facing the true reality by looking behind the veil of illusion,

The soul passes through the door that can never be closed again.

The soul sheds the skin of misperception. 

            This wisdom is the face of our personal truth. Our path has taken us beyond the fog of false perceptions and we cross the threshold into a different reality. Our mind is cleared and our view of the world is changed forever. We can now understand both the light and the dark and we accept it. Fear is replaced with confidence and we are able to love unconditionally. We have found our selves at last.

The bright spark of the divine Source within each of us guides us through the transformations to the realization of our true nature, thus we experience the grace of self. We become aware of our unbreakable connection to the Source. We simultaneously embrace and expand beyond our human boundaries, reestablishing our links with all living things, each in its perfect form. It is then we recognize we are home.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

The Love Matrix

The Beings of Light, the Domeia, who have guided me since childhood, started working intensely with me in early 2003. They explained to me how energy patterns influence each other and how humans only work with the patterns they already recognize. They indicated the infinite possibilities of manifestation hidden within the patterns we are familiar with. The exploration of the truth of life need not require us to search outward, but to go deeper within. In 2007 they revealed a matrix for healing and I have been working it, learning from it, and writing about it ever since. It has transformed every aspect of my life, so, I wanted more. I wanted the next step. I wanted to learn another pattern. I asked them to reveal the matrix for unconditional love.

The Domeia showed me a point of light. From this point of light, eight rays of energy shot out and connected to eight other points of light. These eight points then emitted eight rays, and the process continued to grow. Soon, arcs of energy spun out, around, and through the pattern. “Looks like fireworks,” I commented. “Wait! This is the activated Healing Matrix!”

The following is their teaching in my own words.

Unconditional love is the truth of the Healing Matrix. Unconditional love is complete acceptance, agreement with the truth of other forms of life. Remember the intent for the working of the healing pattern; no judgment, no expectation of result; just acceptance in the universal law of it. Remember that the Matrix restores the energy of the disintegrating pattern, encouraging the original connections to rebuild and revitalize.

It is the absence of acceptance that loosens the connections and allows disintegration. When there is no more acceptance of a truth, that truth will cease to manifest. It will begin to disintegrate and where a different reality is accepted, a new truth will manifest, influencing and altering the original patterns. This is evolution.

Human evolution has been altered by other energy patterns that carry a different reality. They have obscured and hidden the true original energy matrix of the human race. These interfering patterns have instilled a sense of separation, which is the root of unnecessary and misplaced fear, anger and sadness. But it is not too late to heal from this.

So, it’s as if we are asleep and having a fearful dream. While dreaming we are not aware that what we are experiencing in the dream is a false reality. We believe it is the truth, because everything around us seems to agree. But this is not our truth. This is not our original pattern. If we continue to dream the delusion, we will live in it as if it is our reality. We can dream forever and that will be what our reality will evolve to. If we are roused from our dream, even just a little bit, our awareness starts to change. This shift in awareness gives us an opportunity to glimpse the truth of our existence, our original pattern. There will be a moment of recognition; saying to ourselves, “That was just a dream.” At that moment, our true pattern is revitalized by the Matrix and will grow stronger. We can awaken to a different reality: the true potential of the human race.

Our true patterns will strengthen and expand as acceptance feeds them. We will feel whole, healed. From that place of wholeness and strength comes the desire and willingness to accept others for their true being because there is no more fear, no more sense of separation. We will feel safe and confident in who we are, and we will be able to live in a state of unconditional love, free from fear and all its manifestations.

So how do we recognize the true pattern of any living thing? How will we know when the Healing Matrix has worked?

It is not our job to determine what the true-ness of a living being is. Just know that it is there. Our job is to carry the Matrix with intention for the return of integrity of life. Neither is it our job to judge the manifestation of any result or evolution of that life.

When harmony is restored one will experience healing. Harmony is not static balance. It is the flow of acceptance between living organisms. It is the tide of cooperation, of give and take. It is life promoting life. It is acknowledgement between life forms that each is part of the greater pattern and therefore connected.

All beings are manifestations of energy and each has its own pattern. We have evolved in a way to interact with the matrix of the environment we live in. For example, within the physical realm of existence, we have patterns that hold a density. These densities are in a constant state of transformation that is experienced as the cycle of birth-life-death. The density patterns are constantly being recycled, but the essence of our being, our unique core pattern, is eternal.

Healing can manifest in many ways on many levels. What is healing for one is not healing for another. Each of us has an agenda based in a feeling of separation. We know what we think we want and how we think we should get it. We want control only because we feel we have lost something. This is what interferes with loving unconditionally. All we have really lost is our awareness of our truth and of our connection to all things.

It is the human race that needs the healing. It is our altered energy patterns that have interfered and damaged our environment. When we are healed, our environment will heal.

We must work the Matrix as an open channel, trusting and accepting the energy of the Source with no judgment, no expectations and in that moment we are in agreement with the universe.

The Healing Matrix taps us on the shoulder and stirs us from our dream of separation and loss. It reawakens our awareness. It revitalizes our unique, core energy patterns, our truth, to a sense of wholeness and integrity and we recognize our connectedness. We awaken to a state of love.

Posted in The Domeia | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Feeling Loved



Patricia DeSandro  2011

While thinking about the different mythologies around the world involving a Divine Child and the nurturing of that child who would become the Light of the World, I mused on whether or not the Divine Child was ever scolded. I wondered if that child knew every moment how much he was loved. That got me thinking about my children. I thought about all those times I scolded unnecessarily and hoped my children realized how much I loved them, even when I was angry.

That led to me thinking about my own childhood. It was a different era. Childrearing is so different now. We understand so much more now about what a child needs. Old resentments started to rise in me. I looked closely at how my parents were raised and what their influences and mindsets were. Putting their actions into that context brought them into sharper focus. What were their intentions? They raised me the best they knew how. They had good intentions, but I often felt unloved.

This doesn’t mean it was true. My parents both mentioned once or twice about how unloved they felt at certain times in their lives. I blamed my grandparents for that and I blamed my parents for making me feel unloved in turn. Each generation struggles with doing a better job than the generation before them. We are supposed to be smarter, more compassionate, more evolved. We are certain that we have learned from our ancestors’ mistakes. That doesn’t make us perfect. Our children might tell us one day about a time they felt unloved, and we would know in our hearts that we did love them. There are times when our children are struggling with the angst of growing up, when we as parents will feel unloved by our children, and our children would know in their hearts that they do love us.

Are you able to be compassionate or kind to someone else? Do you strive for fairness? Do you love someone? If you answer yes to these questions, then you have known love. Love begets love; that is the truth. We are not perfect human beings. We will make mistakes. But that doesn’t mean we don’t love each other. The human race has survived despite thousands of years of horrible atrocities inflicted against itself because a child is born and someone, somewhere will love that child. That child will, in turn, love someone else.

We tend to focus in this era on what we as humans have done wrong. It is important to do that so changes can be made, but maybe we could also acknowledge that love isn’t dead. We can help each other remember that we are living proof of that fact.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Phantoms Among the Trees


            The faintly glowing, gauzy shapes that appeared in the woods outside my front door startled me. They were as tall as the trees and about the same shape. It was the middle of the night and I had gone out to send some ‘healing energy’ to the trees. I couldn’t sleep and had been concerned about the increasing number of dead and dying trees in this little wetland woods I loved so much. I didn’t know what to make of these phantoms that were now slowly moving through the trees in my direction.

As a psychic medium, I was used to seeing strange apparitions, so I was not frightened. But these seemed different than what I’d experienced before and there were many of them, so I put my guard up.

“ I don’t know who or what you are,” I spoke firmly to the phantoms. “I am not intending any harm to you, but I’m here for a purpose. I will be sending out healing energy to the trees in this woods. You can stay where you are if you like, but you may not interfere with me or what I am doing.”

I proceeded with opening my heart and I watched as the glow radiated out toward the trees. The divine love channeling through me would protect me. The rays of loving light permeated the trees and as it touched the misty beings, it set off a pulsing glow in their centers that looked like a blurry, beating heart, the color of glowing embers. The beings then grew taller and started to shift their form. When I stopped, they returned to the misty tree shape. I broadcasted the energy again and they shifted and glowed once more. We did this a couple more times. Now I could see their forms taking on vaguely human silhouettes and blurry facial features flitted like shadows across where their heads would be. Were they looking like humans for my benefit?

Though this was fascinating, I was still concerned they might be interfering with what I was doing. I was strong and steadfast in my intention. I decided to continue in spite of them as I chanted ‘in perfect love and perfect trust’, knowing they would disappear if not in agreement. They were still there and glowing brightly. They were watching me intently.

“Who are you?” I asked. They shrunk down to about eight feet tall and one separated from the others and moved a little closer to me. I didn’t get an answer. They seemed confused, as if I should already know. I said, “I need a way to identify you.” My mind was then flooded with strange images, colors and light that I couldn’t begin to describe. The images repeated in the same order and seemed like diagrams or views of them in different aspects. “What do I call you?” I asked again in frustration.

This time, they all seemed to mumble in odd, echoing tones that sounded strangely familiar. A deep, rumbling voice emanated from them “Dom …Domei.” I repeated it back to them.

Suddenly it was as if a door had opened and my mind was again flooded with images. It took me a moment to realize I was being shown the evolution of life on this planet. The images were flashing quite rapidly but then slowed down a little when I saw the skull of an ape and then a human skull from various angles. This process repeated a few times. I was starting to feel pressure on the top of my head and I told them to slow down. It was too much.

The process paused for a moment, then, started up again. This time I was seeing flashes of scenes from human history. I recognized a Greek temple, the Egyptian pyramids, a Mayan temple, and an image of Napoleon and his army, then many exploding bombs. The scenes were detailed, bloody, and heart wrenching, quite chaotic and noisy, and led up to the present time. It was unsettling. I called out that my head hurt. It was too fast and intense! The images stopped.

“Humans can be violent,” stated the one that had moved toward me. There was a masculine ‘feel’ to this one, though I think they probably don’t have a gender distinction.

“Yes, I would say humans are violent for the most part, but not all of us. Is that why you are here?” He gave me no comment. “Why are you here? Why did you come to me? I have this uneasy feeling you already know me! Have you been watching me?”

“We are here to observe, to teach, to assist and we have known you for many ages.” My mind was suddenly filled with images of my childhood; the magical oak tree I went to for solace and played under, the giant glowing figure that visited me under my bedroom window during a difficult time, the ‘ghost trees’ that waved and smiled at me through the car window on long, nighttime family trips, and the deep, echoing voice from the woods that said, “Stay” when I was planning my suicide many years ago.

“We have always been with you,” he replied. “You have nothing to fear from us. Humans are the dangerous ones.” I recalled the scenes of violence he had showed me and I agreed. I started to cry. I felt such compassion from these beings of light!

“All those times in my life…that was you?” I asked incredulously. But you looked different!” The feeling of unconditional love connected all my experiences with them and I had the answer to my question.

“We can appear however you need us to so you will not be frightened,” he said softly in his deep echo-y voice.

“Is this what you really look like?”

“We are energy. You are seeing some of our energy. The beating heart we manifested just for you. We were helping you broadcast the healing light to the trees.”

“Oh! You are here to help me with this?”

“It is time for us to work together, now. We are pleased with what you have been doing.” He said this as I started seeing images of algorithms, equations, colors, and geometric shapes. It seemed he was downloading very important information into my brain at top speed. I tried to comprehend it all, but I couldn’t even begin to keep up! I thought my head might explode! I yelled that he was making my head hurt again, and he responded by resting a ‘hand’ on the top of my head. It felt warm and comforting and the images stopped.

That was more than ten years ago. The Domeia are my teachers. That night I had been given the knowledge of how everything connects and how one part influences another. I was being shown energy matrices. It took several years to fully understand the knowledge they had given me. They broke the lessons down into easier to comprehend pieces and have led me consistently toward a deep understanding of energy patterns and other dimensions. They have provided a view of what is behind and inside our manifested world. Looking back, I remember many other encounters with them in my early years that influenced my understanding of the world around me. They have always taught me and are still my constant companions. I look forward to what mysteries they will reveal next.


Posted in Encounters, The Domeia | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Domeia Matrix

Several years ago, a friend of mine, MJ Petee-Ford, and I were given a strange symbol, a pattern of dots and lines that can be used to revitalize and restore the life force. The givers were the Domeia, Beings of Light who have been working with me since childhood. They showed us how to construct it and how to use it to help humans, animals, plants, and even the land itself wherever the life force is disintegrating. The dots are spheres, or reservoirs, of energy awaiting intention and the lines are the intention that connects them.

This geometrical pattern channels a powerful energy from an inner dimension of potentiality into our physical plane and when activated, it transforms the energy pattern and rebuilds and restores the matrix of the life form or location that is damaged. This matrix is life promoting and sustaining; not in a sense of stasis and continued suffering, but in a sense of new integration and vitality. I have personally witnessed the miraculous return of life force with this pattern in humans, plants, and animals.

When constructed on the surface of the ground, the pattern appears to be two-dimensional. As each reservoir of energy and its connections are awakened, they become like petals of a flower and lift up toward the center, supporting the fountain of energy that spirals forth from the central point. This energetic movement happens simultaneously above and below, creating a multidimensional matrix, funneling energy both into the atmosphere and into the earth. Each reservoir then becomes the center of another manifestation of the matrix, and so doing, moves the energy outward in all directions, building on itself.

When building the Matrix, crystals/stones can be used to mark the positions of the energy reservoirs. Humans can also be used to signify the reservoirs and to provide the intention that moves the energy from one to the next, connecting and building the matrix. The energy matrix of each soul serves the same purpose as the crystals to channel and store the energy for the intention. This Domeia Matrix is opened by energetic movement along its lines, which connects and awakens the energy through the crystal/human channels.

When the Matrix opens, energy is channeled outward through the center and the transformation begins. Eventually, the Matrix is absorbed into the original energy pattern, much as the energy of food is absorbed into our bodies.

Some old patterns need to die off so newer patterns can evolve. The Matrix, in this case, provides a healthy space for that to happen by transforming the broken patterns no longer needed into potential energy reservoirs for the new ones.

Building the Domeia Matrix establishes healing in the Earth, bringing new strength, vitality, and opportunities for evolution to all life.

Posted in The Domeia | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Connecting the Dots

From the Domeia Teachings

We are enmeshed in a matrix of ‘dots’ or points of light energy. Like a child’s activity page, we recreate images by ‘connecting the dots’ based on familiar patterns. If we look at the stars, points of light that we recognize, we understand that they are spheres of self-generating energy, whose power we perceive as light. The fact that we can see them connects us to them and we connect them to each other in our minds. The intention of our awareness is what acts as the connecting lines. The shapes we have determined down through the ages as constellations have solidified into patterns we can rely on and that reflect what we understand about life.

Our universe of experience is built by the patterns we create and recognize in the matrices we are familiar with. For instance, we often mark out our territories in squares or rectangles; boundary lines drawn to the points on a compass, creating a matrix everyone understands that defines and exemplifies our space. When given a piece of paper with random dots on it and asked to connect some of them, a large percentage of people try to make squares. The concept of connecting four points with lines to make a shape that provides structure for our lives is useful but also limits us.

We can expand our vision outward beyond the piece of paper by adding four more dots in a third dimension. This now opens us up to more possibilities but we are still limited; ‘boxed in’ so to speak. There are an infinite number of  ‘dots’ and many more patterns available to us, we just don’t recognize them yet.

Everything that exists is built on a pattern, or matrix, of energy. I am not speaking of molecular or atomic structure here, but the structure of intention. The dots represent spheres of potential energy and the connecting lines represent our streams of awareness that activate that energy. Take a piece of paper and draw random dots over the surface. Now look to see if you notice a pattern in the dots. If you do, connect them. You have just illustrated an energy matrix for something. What does the shape remind you of?

So, now think of something specific: a dog for instance. Then connect the dots to resemble the shape of a dog. If you have ever had a dog that you loved, every time you look at the ‘dog matrix’ you made, you will think of another detail about your dog and you might even connect more dots to the pattern to better show those characteristics. Soon that matrix will embody the energies of your memories of the dog. If you place that dog matrix diagram somewhere where you will see it often, the lines of intentional awareness will get stronger as your eyes trace over them, building the dog energy even stronger. If your dog had been very loyal, then every time you see that matrix, you would remember loyalty. That reminder could influence you to be a more loyal person because, through your gazing eyes, you have energetically connected yourself to that matrix.

Imagine a set of Tinker Toys. Remember them? Or if you don’t, imagine toothpicks and marshmallows. The Tinker Toy wheels or the marshmallows will be the energy spheres and the sticks or toothpicks will be the streams of intention that will connect the spheres. Now connect several of them while experiencing or focusing on the memory of a joyful moment. You have now created a personal 3D matrix of joy! So later, when you look at your matrix, or touch it, the feeling of joy will return to you.

Now, imagine there is a matrix of anger that comes crashing into your matrix of joy. Some of the established connections become loosened or broken. As you try to pull the two matrices apart, it might be difficult to sort out the connections that belong to each one. Sometimes the two matrices end up one bigger one with characteristics of both.

The human organism is a matrix that isn’t completely aware of itself or its connection to the greater existence. Every thing we have believed, felt and experienced are patterns within our personal matrices. These energy patterns reach out beyond our physical bodies and are often called our ‘aura’. When we meet someone new, our matrix ‘bumps up’ against theirs and we get a sense of who they are. If our patterns are compatible and they interact, we would say we feel a connection to each other.

These connections can be altered by what we desire or what we feel we deserve. If we see something we want in our lives, or something we feel destined to have, some of our connecting energy streams reach out and attempt to latch on to that other’s matrix. If the connection is successful, then it becomes part of our energy pattern. Have you ever noticed how couples that have been together for many years start to look alike? Could it be that their matrices are so connected that they are morphing into one?

If at some point, we decide we no longer want it, those connections start to loosen and if we want a change, we will need to break them cleanly and connect to something else. If left dangling and incomplete, our matrix will connect to what is familiar and we notice the return of unwanted patterns in our lives.

Beyond connecting to other humans, we are connected to our environment. Everything we become aware of through our senses, we develop a temporary connection to. The awareness is the connection. If reinforced, it gains strength until it becomes a permanent connection. By our connections, we have an influence on the world around us just as the world around us has an influence on us.

If we hold a pattern of anger (which is fear expressed) within our personal matrix, everything we become aware of will be influenced by that anger. Wherever it finds a connection, the anger will grow. Soon we discover that there is more and more to be angry about and the pattern becomes more and more solid. Our whole environment then seems to be antagonistic as the pattern feeds on anger wherever it can find it. The anger matrix has become dominant at this point and literally takes on a life of its own. This holds true of every energy pattern, no matter what it is.

Extrapolate this idea, now. What about acceptance instead of anger? This doesn’t mean we all have to be best friends with everything on the planet; remember we have control over the strength and length of every individual connection. But, acceptance begets acceptance and a pattern of acceptance is respect. Cooperation follows and then there is peace.

So, how do we switch from anger/fear to acceptance/respect? Remember the joy matrix we constructed? That was built on a memory of joy. Intend to become aware of things, people, events, and situations where you feel acceptance. Reinforce those connections and relive memories of past experiences of acceptance. As your matrix incorporates more and more of these connections, your influence for acceptance and respect on the world around you will grow.

I discovered over ten years’ time the influence I was having on my home environment. There is a beautiful little woods, a few yards outside my front door. It isn’t part of my piece of property; it belongs to the whole neighborhood. I feel protective of it, though, because I spend a lot of time enjoying it. It feeds my soul peace. I vowed to the woods one day that I would keep it free of litter as a way of helping the environment. Good idea, I thought. I was proud of myself.

Every time I walked the trails I would take a trash bag with me. After a year or so of this, I found myself getting weary of this job. It seemed that the more I picked up, the more there was the next time. One small trash bag turned into two, which then became a large bag and then two large bags! I started finding reasons to not go into the woods. I became resentful and angry toward the people who seemed to obviously take delight in straining my back and ruining my enjoyment of nature! How dare they! I became very righteous and verbal about litter in our society, and rightfully so! Then one of my children asked me why did I continue to do this if I hated it so much? That really got me thinking. Not only was I resentful and angry toward my neighbors, but ashamed of myself for not wanting to live up to my promise. I no longer enjoyed my environment. My soul was not feeling the peace. I was pumping anger and resentment out into the woods and I was promoting litter by my attitude to feed my self-righteous ego! How was that helping the environment?

So, I changed my intention. I decided, at least temporarily, to ignore the trash in the woods and reconnect to the serene beauty that was still there. I broke the emotional connection of fear to what the trash represented for me and replaced it with the desire for others to become more aware of the beauty of the woods. I intended that a new respect for the beauty would eventually follow the increased awareness. I accepted the opportunity to learn my lesson about ego and spent my time in the woods expressing gratitude for its existence.

I have discovered that over time, there is far less litter along the trails and I have heard a few neighbors mention how they have been picking up the trash occasionally on their walks through our shared space. Now, when I become aware of any litter, I say to the woods, “Here, let me get that for you,” as I would to a friend with a piece of lint on her shoulder.

Not only do we interact energetically with the physical world around us, but also with the spiritual worlds. We desire assistance from Angels, Guides, Guardians and other Spirit Helpers and our energy patterns are already connected to them. When we feel that we are alone and there is nothing out there to support us, it is because we have moved our focus to our fear patterns and have lost our awareness of our connections to the various universal love patterns. Notice I said ‘lost our awareness’ not ‘lost our connections.

We are all created out of the matrix of universal, unconditional love. We cannot change that connection any more than we can change the bloodline connections to our ancestors. It is just a fact. This means we are always and forever connected to the Source Matrix; the energy pattern that is the foundation of all life. We are embedded in that matrix because we are an integral part of it, as are all life-forms. We each carry that divine spark. It is what animates us. In the greater matrix, we are all points of light, spheres of potential energy, whose connections to each other can be intended in an infinite number of ways. And we have the gift of conscious awareness, so we have choices as to what connections we strengthen and what ones we break.

Intention is how it all works, but awareness is the key. According to Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary, the word intention means “a determination to act in a certain way.” The word intent means “the state of mind with which an act is done.” We can be unaware of our intent when interacting with others or our environment. This doesn’t make our intent any less powerful. It is our awareness of intent that provides us with conscious choices. If you don’t supply conscious intent for where you connect your energy, something else will. This is where those influences come into play. This is where we get distracted. And this is where we can choose how to ‘connect the dots.’


Posted in The Domeia | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Call of the Goddess

When I was three years old, the family story goes, I started drawing pictures of  full-figured females with ample breasts. I drew them over and over. Though my parents were impressed by my prodigious skills with a crayon, they were shocked and dismayed by what I had chosen to draw. They couldn’t figure out where I would have seen such an image to inspire me. This was 1952, so it wasn’t from the TV. We had quite a large family library, but they would never have a book with pictures like that lying around.

My mother encouraged me to draw other things. She would even draw and color with me, hoping to influence my creative expression. I, however, was not interested in drawing kites and flowers and balloons. I had this image in my head that would not leave me alone. Soon I learned to draw what my parents were comfortable with and drew what my soul wanted in secret.

Time went by and the image shifted to one of a more detailed female figure with long, dark hair, sitting on a rock under a large tree. As I got more proficient, I was able to clothe her in a white or blue gown to make her more acceptable to others. Eventually, I added every kind of animal, bird, and insect I knew sitting at her feet under that tree. It was an obsession with me to include all kinds of life, because she was the loving Mother of Everything, even the flowers which I would put in her hair. When I was introduced to modeling clay, I made three-dimensional versions of her. I often added children to sit at her feet to hear the stories I imagined she was telling.

Besides my artistic obsession, I was having some unusual experiences. I could understand animals and trees. I could see sparkles in the air around living things that would change colors. I could see shadows that moved independently. People whom I knew were already dead would visit me and tell me things. I had seen people all made of light. For a while, I thought everyone could do these things. I eventually found out otherwise and was told I had a very vivid imagination. It seemed to upset my parents. They even had the priest come and do a cleansing and blessing on our house. I tried to focus on other things, like Sunday School.

I was fascinated by the nativity stories from the bible growing up, mostly because I felt a connection with Mary. As a teenage girl, I frequently harassed our Episcopal priest by asking question after question about Mary’s life. The stories said that She had been visited by an angel. Had She seen other things, too? He didn’t seem to be able to answer any of my questions. I was frustrated that the focus was only on the Father and the Son. Well, what about the Mother?

I looked elsewhere for my answers. I visited churches of different denominations. They turned my questions aside and talked about God or told me to read the bible. I read the bible twice, all the way through. Didn’t answer my questions. How is it that priests and ministers who appeared as if they knew everything, didn’t seem to know about what was important to me?

When I got to university, I majored in art and continued to make my female images. I also enrolled in comparative religion courses. Maybe studying other religions would give me what I so desperately needed. I studied diligently and even took a bible course and joined a study group.

One of my world religion professors seemed especially experienced and wise. I made an appointment to talk with him. He sat and listened attentively as I told him of my long and intensive search, but when I got to my questions, he broke eye contact with me. He squirmed in his chair and looked at his watch. He said to me, “Well, this has been very interesting, but I have an appointment across campus. Good luck.” He shook my hand.

So, I thought about becoming a nun. I found Sister Jane Mary and visited her convent. It felt like finally I was on the right trail, but I also found too many rules and not enough freedom. The church and scholars held nothing for me, it seemed. I would need to find the answers for myself.

I decided I wanted to experience the miracle of birth, like Mary. Maybe through shared experience I could understand the concept of divinity. I talked to Mary in my heart and imagined Her at my side when I gave birth to my three precious children. When I miscarried three times, I envisioned placing those small souls in Mary’s compassionate arms. Even when the animals on our small farm gave birth or died, I thought of Her. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was already on the path that would guide my life forever.

Fast forward almost a decade to my life as a single parent, struggling desperately under the weight of responsibilities and poor health. Two wonderful wisewomen were put in my path. They both had a gentle but firmly truthful demeanor that made me feel safe but also held a mirror to my soul. One, Kathleen, helped me to get a hold on my mundane life and the other, Linda, helped me physically and spiritually with her healing hands and heart. I found myself sharing with her my most private musings. She listened and honored my stories. Linda could see my real self. She called me out one day upon hearing me tell of how I had communicated with a dying animal, saying, “I think you’re a natural witch.”

What on earth did she mean? I was shocked and offended. How could she say that about me? I was a good person! Witches were evil, weren’t they? As educated as I was, I still had bought into that false perception. I vowed to never speak to her again and I certainly would never return for more healing work! A few weeks later I found myself thinking that maybe I should find out what she meant. She had never said anything before to hurt me. I went back to see her and ask my big question.

She calmly listened to my fears and with a warming smile, told me about the Goddess.  My life changed at that moment. I wasn’t crazy! I wasn’t alone! I had found what I was looking for. I had found where my heart and soul belonged. Linda Diane Feldt became my first teacher of the women’s mysteries.

She taught me the wisewoman ways and introduced me to others who followed paths to the Goddess in Her many forms. Mary had been the Goddess for me down through the years and I spiritually grew as I discovered Her other faces and names. I am still awed when I see Her looking back at me from the eyes of mothers and daughters from every culture on earth.

I had several other teachers after Linda, all appearing just at the right time. I took to heart what they shared with me and challenged them often, as I struggled to my spiritual feet. I learned more about the gifts I was born with and how to use them efficiently to serve others in the Goddess’ name, my true calling. My sacred name, Bona Dea, is one of Her names and is a symbol of how I honor Her with my life’s work.

I am still learning and always will be, and Mary still is with me. When I desire to work a healing, She appears behind me and slides Her hands into mine. I can feel Her heart and am overcome with Her love.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment